CThe Case for Male-Only Spaces

Few in our society would find offense in the fact that more women than men congregate in nail salons. Of course, it’s not against the law for a man to get a manicure. But we know exactly why women hang out in nail salons, and the enhancement of physical beauty is secondary to the prime reason: They like having their own space.

Men deserve the same. The fact that female-only spaces exist at all suggests that women spending time with other women confers psychological benefit. It is not a major leap to say that the same is true for young men.

Developmentally, boys benefit from time with other boys. One study published in the journal Child Psychiatry and Human Development found that males who form close bonds in boyhood create a buffer against stress later in life. And yet male friendships are in decline: A report by the Survey Center on American Life said that one in five adult single men has zero close friends. Men are four times more likely to commit suicide.

All the more reason for the value of male-only spaces.

The 2020’s gave rise to what’s been deemed “the male loneliness epidemic.” As xx pointed out, this fancy word for something Others have more recently pushed back, saying the phenemonon isn’t restricted to men. The decline of religion, a lower trust society and tech addiction have made everyone more lonely.

So “male loneliness epidemic” may be an overstatement. But still, we can’t deny what we see with our own eyes. We all know what becomes of men left to their own — in this case, literal — devices. We’ve seen the young men on the train — a group of four, say — enacting what we once called “hanging out” but their eyes directed not toward each other, but four tiny screens. We’ve heard , or know a frustrated couple whose 29-year-old son still lives at home, his life ever dwindling in a haze of video games and pot smoke in the basement, a — a jellied, unshaven body plopped in the proverbial “mom’s basement.” toad his body melted to an office chair and eyes aglow with nude images,

[Men labor participation stats]

Men have been under the cultural microscope for at least a generation as the modern world has grappled with masculinity. In the last decade it’s reached a fever pitch. 2017’s #MeToo movement rightly exposed the crimes of powerful men in media, but Western culture has grappled with masculinity in the chaotic aftermath.

The show Adolescence, shot eerily and deceptively in the style of a documentary though it was mere fiction, …

In a world so concerned about the behavior of boys and men, you'd think we would want them to congregate, not isolate. And it's hard to imagine how we could possibly accomplish that in a society that lacks spaces made for them. It’s hard to imagine how they’ll get together if they have no place to go.

The Greatest Scout I Ever Knew

Like XX, I too am an Eagle Scout — a rank that, officially, one keeps for life. I joined Boy Scout Troop 220 in Windsor, California at the age of 10. My father was the scoutmaster. And the formative experience gave me some of my greatest friends.

At the turn of the millennium, I was a Boy Scout. After a decade’s worth of camping, rock climbing, 50-mile backpacking trips, shooting and archery, [ etc.], I earned the organization’s most coveted rank, Eagle Scout. Looking back, it was meaningful to be part of the Boy Scouts because I was a boy. It imbued an identity of pride — an honorable tradition of males who congregate, learn, grow, and challenge each other. [make better, faster to the point].

It’s worth noting that Of course, Boy Scouts isn’t only about “being a man” in the abstract. In fact our troop, located in the posh wine country of the hyper liberal San Francisco Bay Area, rarely invoked clichés like “man up.” But we often earnestly discussed concepts like honor, courage, duty and discipline — all ideals that any mature man will recognize resonate deep within the marrow of his bones.

I remember many things about Scouts, the foremost being the friendship and moral lessons. But the aesthetics of manliness stand out, too — the vision of the mighty outdoorsman stomping leather boots through the lush green conifers on an expedition through the Sierra Nevadas. The many nights he spends alone, in communion with the flesh-torn violence of Wolf and Bear. The willingness to risk it all, even death, in pursuit of the pioneer’s dream.

The feeling for me is embodied in the story of one of my fellow scouts, a young man named Justin Daubs — or “Daubs,” as we called him.

Daubs was one of the most rugged, square-jawed — indeed masculine — men I’ve ever known. He was a Scout’s Scout, preternaturally good at almost every high adventure skill — backpacking, rock climbing, wilderness survival, riflery, archery, building a fire. He could fashion a shelter from logs and a coil of rope in 12 minutes flat. He had a habit of dousing a miniature tepee of carefully laid logs with Kingsford Charcoal Lighter fluid and deftly flicking a lit match upon it. You got the sense that the guy was born in the wrong era; his lean, muscled frame and builder mindset better suited for the days of the wilderness explorer, the auto factory worker, or the longshoreman. I still remember what the guy looked like: A permanent farmer’s tan starkly tattooed on his arms, dark hair that straggled loosely into his eyes, and a walk that always suggested he was on a mission. And he was, for what it’s worth, also a deeply kind man, capable of the wide open sea of compassion and the firm handshake of loyal friendship.

Daubs was a sight to behold, an inspiration to all of the other young men in our troop. Most of us wanted to be like him. Tragically, Daubs died at the age of 22 in a kayaking accident. Tragically, it was his love of the outdoors that finally took him: He died at the age of 22 in a kayaking accident.

I have a feeling that if Daubs were still here, he’d have a strong opinion about the idea of girls being in the Boy Scouts. But I must admit, I don’t know what his opinion would be. Would he, in his heavy baritone, characteristic deep voice, bark laughter into the air as he dismissed “girls in the Boy Scouts” as absurd? Would he, in his steady baritone, dismiss “girls in the Boy Scouts” as absurd? Or might he conclude, as the proud father of girl Eagle Scout Xx said, that boys and girls absolutely are different, but that the modern iteration of Scouts must make room for a small niche of mechanically inclined young women? but that some modern, “enlightened” version of Scouts is required to make room for more mechanically inclined young women, not to mention

Or might he believe that, even if girls are a part of it, whether girls are part of it or not, the organization’s choice to strip the word “Boy” from the title was a fatal mistake. That the masculine pronoun is no mere semantic dalliance, the crusty dream of a bygone era to be tossed in the bin like old newspapers. Might he believe that “Boy,” the spiritual forerunner of “Man,” captures something essential. [one more line here]. That without an honorable distinction between the sexes — men in their stubborn hardness and women in their soft ways —something deeply human would be lost.